I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
