You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
