please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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