I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
