I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
