Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
