the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
