please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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