Your tits are I can't wait for
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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