What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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