Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
