as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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