i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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