Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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