I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
