my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
