do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
