he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
