I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
