my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
