we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
