my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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