I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he fucked my hip out of place.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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