yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
