like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
