I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
