if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
