If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
