In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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