thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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