Apparently you make a good broom.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
