Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
