i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
