I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
