so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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