she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
