I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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