you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
