THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
