I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
