OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Also, beer. Big fan.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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