i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
