none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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