They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Randomize
