I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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