we're chasing vodka with high fives
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
