can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
