Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
