If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
