When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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