My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I came so hard my ears popped.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
