Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
