It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
