can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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