I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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