I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
