We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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