fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
